The following contains excerpts from "What Kids Need
to Succeed", Peter Benson, PhD., Judy Galbraith, M.A.,
and Pamela Espeland and "The Family Virtues Guide", Linda
Kavelin Popov.
Raising children has been compared to riding a roller-coaster -thrilling,
terrifying and full of ups and downs. Most parents would probably
agree that the ride gets really interesting during their children’s
adolescent years. Some bumps and unexpected turns are bound to occur, but
the ride doesn’t have to be a vertical drop. You can do a lot to make
your children’s transition from childhood to adulthood a more serene,
often enjoyable, passage for your family. And it may be comforting to know
that you are certainly not the only family on the ride.
DEVELOPMENTAL
ASSETS
The developmental asset model is an
approach designed to help identify the key resources, advantages, and
qualities young people need to mature into caring, responsible and happy
adults. These social and emotional resources provide a sense of security.
The more assets a person has, the better equipped he or she is to make
wise choices, handle the pressures of everyday living, and find meaning
and fulfillment in life.
THE ASSET MODEL The asset model
comes from the Search institute in Minneapolis, Minnesota, a nonprofit
agency that conducts research on children and youth. At Search Institute,
much reading, thinking, and discussion took place about what young people
need to succeed. Once the list of 40 developmental assets was in place,
researchers looked for and found hundreds of studies that supported the
choice of these assets.
Researchers also designed a survey
to measure the number of assets that 6th–12th grade students in hundreds
of different communities were experiencing in their everyday lives. They
found that the more assets young people have, the better off they seemed
to be-the overall theme being that young people need to feel a strong
sense of connection to caring adults. The 40 assets are evenly divided
into two broad categories, external assets and internal assets. These
subcategories are further broken down into smaller groups, each of which
is identified by a key concept, such as "Support." or "
Social Competencies."
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OUR NOVEMBER
CHARACTER TRAIT IS COURTESY
What is Courtesy? Courtesy is to be
polite and have good manners. It is to be considerate of others and have
gracious ways. It is a way of acting with people which makes them feel
valued, cared for, and respected. Courtesy is something people use when
they are trying to make a good impression. It’s important to show
courtesy with friends and relatives, not just people we are meeting for
the first time.
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WHY
PRACTICE COURTESY?
Practicing courtesy makes every
person feel important and acknowledged. No one feels taken advantage of or
insulted. The next time they come in contact with you, they want to be
around you and help you. Courtesy is like a magnet. It makes you
attractive to others. When a person doesn’t practice courtesy, people
feel insulted and assume that the person is ignorant. They get the
impression the person just doesn’t care about anyone or anything. Rude
people are avoided. Others don’t feel appreciated. They want to stay
away.
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HOW DO YOU
PRACTICE IT?
You practice courtesy by learning
polite ways to speak and then using them throughout each day. Instead of
interrupting someone, you say, "Excuse me," and then wait
patiently for them to give you their attention. Courtesy means to think of
how your behavior is affecting others and then do things properly so that
they are comfortable:
- eating without showing the food
in your mouth (ugh!);
holding the door for someone who
needs help;
making requests by saying
"please" instead of ordering someone to do something
NOW;
saying "thank you’" and
smiling when someone has done something for you.
Courtesy is to look at someone you
are meeting for the first time, smile, and say "Hello." You may
want to shake hands too.
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SIGNS OF
SUCCESS
Congratulations! You are practicing
courtesy when you…
- Treat others as if you value and
respect them
Think about how your actions affect
others.
Remember to treat elders, parents,
and teachers politely
Eat, speak, and move
graciously
Make requests instead of
demands
Greet people with a smile.
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KEEP
TRYING!
You need more practice when you …
- Great others rudely, or as if
they don’t matter
- Put yourself before others
- Forget to say "please,"
"thank you," "hello," and other expressions of
courtesy
- Interrupt
- Push, shove, or act piggy when
you eat.
- Make demands instead of
requests
- Answer the phone
rudely
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OUR
CHARACTER TRAIT FOR DECEMBER IS COMPASSION
What is Compassion? Compassion is
understanding and caring about someone who is in trouble or has made a
mistake. It is being kind and forgiving because another person really
mattes to you. It is feeling sorry when someone is hurt (it might be you)
and needs someone to understand. It is forgiving someone who hurt you
because you understand why they hurt you and care more about that person
than your own hurt. It is feeling the pain of someone who is in trouble
even if you do not know the person. It is caring deeply and wanting to
help-even if all you can do is listen and say kind words.
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WHY
PRACTICE COMPASSION?
When people feel bad or find
themselves in trouble, they usually feel very much alone. Feeling alone
can make things worse. At such times people start to believe that no one
understands or cares about them at all. Being compassionate tells a person
they are not alone. It makes you a friend when someone needs a friend. It
gives you a good feeling and makes you useful at the same time. It helps
you to understand other people and yourself.
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SIGNS
OF SUCCESS
Congratulations! You are practicing
compassion when you…
- Notice when someone is hurting or
needs a friend
- Care enough about her to stop
what you are doing and let her know that you care
- Listen to her and try very hard
to understand
- forgive her when she hurts you
and give her another chance to be a friend instead of hurting her
back
- Help people and animals in
need
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KEEP
TRYING! You need more practice when you…
- Do not notice when you or the
people and animals around you are sad or having trouble
- Think what you are doing is more
important than what is happening to others
- Don’t stop to listen or show
you care
- Get bored or inattentive when
others talk to you
- Judge or criticize others and
yourself
- Hurt others back because you are
angry.
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